I want to first thank everyone so much for supporting me with ChaiwithRy! I received so many thoughtful comments and messages from those of you who read my first blog post. Thank you for subscribing. Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss my next post.
It’s not easy to share about grief. My writing is sacred and my relationship with grief is deeply personal and deeply mine. I was so nervous to put something out there, but seeing all of the support led me to believe this was 100% the right decision.
In my last post I talked about leading up to the anniversary and my flight to Cali, so now I want to talk about the trip + the ceremony my Dad planned. If you didn’t read my last post I’d encourage you to do so (HERE)
5 am flights are kinda my jam.. I love them. It means I can get to my destination early and hit the ground running with exploring. As soon as I landed, I stared at the palm trees and knew it was going to be a good time. California is just so beautiful, She is on my wishlist of places to move to.
My Uber driver picked me up and took me straight to the nail salon. I wanted to get a purple gel mani, my Mom’s favorite color. My Uber driver was super talkative and told me about how he’s trying to get the attention of the American Airlines CEO on TikTok because they messed up his flight to Portugal a week prior lol. I love listening to Uber drivers’ stories. I hope that he is able to have that conversation.
After the nail salon, I was super hungry and googled the best burger in San Diego and a place named Midway Classic Malt Shop popped up. They had a 4.9 rating! Thankfully it was only a 7 minute walk from the nail shop. I got a bacon cheese burger, fries, and a root beer float. If you’re on my Insta you know there was a Root Beer Float war! I had no idea so many people were Root Beer float haters! It is a top tier sweet treat. This place was so yum and the customer service? Amazing. I felt like they knew me lol.
The Airbnb my sis and I stayed in? Super cute. A dreamy little San Diego cottage with a beautiful back yard with cutesy flowers. It was nice to see her, I hadn’t seen her since Christmas because we live in two different states.
She had been promoted to my elite employee to take all the cute pics for me.
We walked to get some Greek food + Mexican food. I didn’t get the chance to take a picture of the food, but I took many pics of the neighborhood in South Park/North Park?.. Beautiful and they had some Halloween decorations too.
We watched Bob’s Burgers together and ate our Greek salads + steak tacos (although there was a huge spread of guacamole on them) I didn’t notice and bit into it! (I have a avocado allergy lol). We went to bed that night, knowing tomorrow would be the official year mark.
When I woke up that morning, I surprisingly felt refreshed. My therapist and I talked about making sure I had some solitude on the trip. (I need solitude to thrive lol)
I decided to go for a walk, explore the neighborhood, and go to Target to get some hair products. (The silk press wasn’t silking at this point haha).
I was SO glad I took this walk. It was about 20 minutes. The neighborhood? Beautiful. So picturesque. I took many pictures of the palm trees, and homes that I saw. I had popped into a random coffee shop and got a MATCHA! Not a chai.. but a matcha. Big mistake, but let’s move on. WE KNOW I’M A CHAI GIRLIE!!!!
When I got back, we ate breakfast and decided to head to a coffee and pastry cafe up the street. Talk about cutesy. It was a Kurdish owned spot called Muri. Yessss culture experience! I definitly got a culture lesson from the owner when I asked for Chai.
He said “What kind of Chai??We have Kurdish Tea with rose..cardamom..” I said okay, does it come with milk? He told me “You can have it the traditional way or your way” lmao. So obviously I did NOT get the milk. I also asked for honey and he said “You Americans love sweets, I’ll give it to you this time” It was funny and cute. I wasn’t offended, because I’m learning about HIS culture. It was yum.
The place was small, cute, and popping with people.
We walked back to our bnb and I felt myself sinking… getting quiet… although that morning I had listened to music, danced around, laughed, and joked… It was setting in.. that the reason we are there is coming. That afternoon we we’re doing the beach ceremony to spread Mom’s ashes.
I ofcourse wanted to do my hair and makeup. I wore a cute midnight blue jumpsuit from Aritzia and took pics with my Mom’s Air Force photo that I always travel with.
So we’re driving to Coronado beach! It was a quiet ride.. (I think?) I don’t even remember, but my Dad had everything planned. He had libations to pour out in honor for Mom. Libations are a way to honor your ancestors, those who came before you, and those who laid the foundation. Typically you do a libation ceremony by pouring out alcohol. (Read more about libations HERE)
Libations are a way to honor your ancestors, those who came before you, and those who laid the foundation.
IABPF
We had Sangria (her fav) and Grape juice for me (Sober baddie teas). He brought my Mom’s favorite flowers to throw into the ocean along with her ashes.
I told yall the last time that my Mom wanted her ashes spread in the Pacific. So we did that for her. When we walked towards the ocean there was a BEAUTIFUL view of the mountain and the ocean.
The sand was so soft and warm on my feet and I randomly started singing 2pac’s “California Love” Because you can’t come to California and NOT play that song.
When we got to the water, we called my auntie on Facetime so that she can be apart of the ceremony. My father then pulled out his phone to read a beautiful writing he did for Mom. I of course recorded the whole thing and brought some content goodies to record.
It was truly beautiful… My Dad then started to put some of her ashes in the water and then asked me if I had anything to say.. I smiled and said “We love and miss you Mom” and proceeded to put her ashes in the ocean.
After we finished we then threw the flowers in the ocean and they all came back lol. We ended up collecting them from the sand and someone even came up to us with the flower and gave it back to us.
We ended up keeping the flowers. I now have a few of the flowers on my altar, alongside my mom’s urn, as part of a space where I honor her memory.
After we finished we then poured out libations! Dad and my sister took a sip of their sangria and poured it out in honor of Mommy. I then took a sip of my grape juice. Big purrrrr.
After we walked over to the historic Coronado hotel. Apparently the hotel was the setting for a movie I love, Some Like it Hot with Marilyn Monroe! How cool is that! There was also a cute bar and we got virgin pina coladas! So yum!
We ended the day with a yummy dinner.
The next morning I had my solitude morning walk again before heading to the airport to catch my flight back home. I stopped and got the cutest lavender chai!!!!
Talk about ending the trip so special…
I don’t think this could’ve been even more perfect, I am thankful for my Dad for planning this. Actually it could’ve been more perfect, My Mom’s grand children were not there physically. Had they been there it would’ve been an amazing time. She loved being a Grandmama.
What I learned from this tribute is that it felt like I was building and adding onto a new relationship with my Mom. Although she is not here in the physical, I can create traditions in my life that foster a relationship with her. It 100% looks different and can never replace her presence in the physical.
With My life, I honor hers. I show the world who raised me and who loved me and I couldn’t be who I am today without her.
If you’re nearing a grief anniversary, consider planning a small ceremony with loved ones or on your own. Even if you cry through it or need someone else to plan it, know that your loved ones deserve that remembrance.
I am sure from the heavenly realms she loved the ceremony. I felt her presence. She loved the beach and I do too. We are planning to do this annually and I look forward to the new ways we can honor my Mom, because she deserves it…
I miss my girl.. everyday.. daily.. there’s not a second I am not thinking of her… My Mommy forrrrrrrr life!!! Even death couldn’t stop our love.. It’s an eternal thang.
With Love,
Ry.. your bereavement baddie.
ChaiwithRy 
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